Harry Potter and the Magical Pony
by themeaningoflifeis42
Summary: One girl. One extremely boring french class. One extremely random story. Harry tries to become cooler, Hagrid buys a dress and Ron gets stuck in a bush. Fans of randomness read on!
1. Ponies, socks and unrequited love

**A/N: This was written by me, with small add ons from my good friends (and wierdos) Natalie and Melissa. Don't hold us accountable, there we were in a situation of extreme boredom.**

**Disclaimer: Neither Natalie nor I own anything you recognize. Melissa owns the Pony.** **I would like to think I own Griffin. Natalie very upset that Jack is not in this story. **

**WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS MAJOR BASHING OF ALMOST ALL CHARACTERS, DRAMIONE FICS, AND DANIEL RADCLIFFE. IF YOU ARE A FAN OF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER! (But honestly, if you like Daniel Radcliffe, there is something wrong with you) IF YOU ARE A FAN OF RANDOMNESS, PLEASE READ ON!**

Harry pushed through the brambles of yet another thorn bush and winced as he felt a deep cut on his right arm. Sighing, he gave up and collapsed on the forest floor. He had been stupid to think he knew the Forbidden Forest well enough to find a unicorn hair and come back out. Then again, Harry Potter was pretty moronic in general. He had accepted because he had promised him a shiny penny, which had made him very excited. Ron had dared Harry to go into the forest because he was in love with him, and wanted Harry to stop angsting and go out with him.

Ron had planned to go into the forest to save Harry, but he wasn't very bright either and was stuck in a bush. On another note, Dumbledore was modeling new socks, and black licorice is gross. Now back to our story.

Harry had given up trying to get out of the forest and was lying on his back wondering if pink dress robes were daring or too feminine and also how many freckles _were_ on Ron's nose. Suddenly a bright light burst into the clearing and he scrambled up shielding his eyes from...

...

A horribly ugly orange sweater!

AND A PONY!!

Harry became very excited because he was very found of the colour orange, especially this sweater, which was a lovely shade of tangerine. But the Pony grabbed the sweater away and reared up -

Harry felt his life flash before his eyes, and was very depressed about the lack of girls. How pathetic was it that he head his own book series, and he still had never had a steady girlfriend. Maybe it was because they had made Daniel Radcliffe play him in the movies...

The Pony backed up and stared at him. Then, to Harry's surprise began to talk.

'Orange! Are you insane! You have GREEN eyes! They told me you were the chosen one.'  
Harry didn't hear because he was too busy watching the Pony's tail. Back and forth, back and forth...

'Pay attention.'

Harry was wearing a clown wig and was playing with a water flower on his shirt.

'Where did you get that? Never mind. I am here to help you.'

Harry stopped playing with the flower and looked up. 'W-with girls?' he asked, eyes wide.

'No dipshit. Your ratings are falling. Everybody likes Fred and George better than you! Even SNAPE has a bigger fan base!'  


'Can you blame them? He does have a very sexy nose.'

The Pony slapped him with a fish.

'Come with me.'

'Where will we go?' Harry really wanted to go to the science museum. Or a fair. Or an NSYNC concert!

...

Harry took a few minutes to question his sexuality.

'I'm going to make you - well. Less you!' the Pony said, grimacing.

Harry got up and started to get on the Pony.

'WOAH. Hold up. What are you doing?'

'Going -' Harry began, but the Pony slapped him again, this time with a rubber chicken. Harry vaguely wondered where the Pony was getting the plastic animals, but he was also wondering why the sky was blue, and his small brain couldn't handle two questions at once.

'We're riding in this!' The Pony pointed to a giant yellow hummer, which had magically appeared at the other side of the clearing.

'SWEET!' Harry ran towards the hummer but was stopped by the Pony.

'Oh no. You ride in the trunk. Your not getting your crustyness on my ride.'

Harry skipped joyfully to the back of the truck, happy because of the bright yellow colour. Brad Pitt opened the trunk for him.

'Brad Pitt? What are you doing here?'

Brad Pitt shifted around uncomfortably. 'I kind of owe him...'

'Owen Wilson! Get your ass back in the car!'

Harry stared at Brad Pitt/Owen Wilson.

'What? Maybe I want to be funny AND good looking. Is that too much to ask??'

**THIS STORY HAS BECOME TOO RANDOM FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES. VIEWER DISCRESTION IS ADVISED.**

They stepped out of the car and into...

The magical hair salon of wonder!

Harry clutched his hair in terror.

'Don't give me that. That thing has got to go!'

The Pony snapped its non-existant fingers. Remus Lupin appeared holding scissors.

'LUPIN?' Harry cried in shock.

'Yes, Sarah felt that I should be in the story, and she always saw me as a hair dresser.' He turned to the Pony. 'What can I do for you?'

The Pony gestured to Harry's head.

'OH DEAR GOD! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?? NOBODY CAN FIX THAT!!'

'Just do what you can. You're the only hope left.'

Lupin stared into the Pony's eyes for a long time. Then slowly, he nodded 'I'll see what I can do.'

He turned towards Harry, scissors in hands and a skunk jumped off Harry's head.

'Right problem solved. Lupin, Dumbledore called, something about socks. Come along git!'

Harry was holding his bald head but still managed to figure out that 'git' was him, and followed the Pony.

The next stop was a dress shop.

'But I want to get girls, not dress like one.' whined Harry, who was wearing the rubber chicken on his head to shield the baldness.

'Wait. Hold on a sec. You're a ... boy?'

'I think so...' said Harry uncertainly.

The Pony shook its head and led the way into the shop where they met Hagrid in a large furry brown dress.

'Do you think Professor Dumbledore will like it?' he asked excitedly.

The Pony wanted to burn its eyes out.

Harry wanted to know if they had it in a smaller size.

The rubber chicken thought it complimented Hagrids eyes.

Dobby was writing Harry a love song.

Ron was still in the bush.

The Pony had lost all hope in making Harry even somewhat desirable and had let him buy a long green dress that went with his eyes, and a pair of red gloves for Owen Wison.

Their last stop of the day was a dance club.

'Right. You may look like a drag queen, but we should at least make you - alright who the bloody hell are you?'

'I'm Griffin from the 2008 feature film Jumper, opening Valentines Day.' said an extremely attractive Irish 21 year old in a black leather jacket. And, for some reason, holding a flame thrower.

'What the hell?' asked the chicken.

'Sarah was bored in French class and a girl was watching my movie on her iPod. She thinks I'm hot and likes my accent.'

Suddenly a dorky, blond, 14 year old girl appeared and latched herself onto his arm. 'Come on Griffin, we've got to go somewhere and you can say funny irish things in my ear.' They walked off.

'Crazy hormonal teenage girls.' said the Pony.

'How come she got to go off with Griffin' whined Harry.

The Pony just shoved him in the hummer. Maybe he should consider another career path. My Little Pony ™ was auditioning.

They arrived back in the great hall.

'Its time for your reveal!' announced the Pony.

'I AM NOT GAY!' shouted Harry.

The Pony gave him the Kevin look.

Ron was still in the bush.

Suddenly a curtain was dropped and all of his friends were there cheering him on.

Professor Dumbledore was there wearing 27 pairs of socks, and Dobby was there with a sign that said 'Harry Hottie' Ginny was smiling next to Fred and George who left because they are too awesome to be in this story.

Hagrid and Lupin were there, and Snape with all of his fan girls.

Even Draco, who walked over to Hermione.

'I'm a git with greased blond hair and no pride who's in love with Crabbe.'

'Really?' asked Hermione. 'I'm a bushy haired book worm who over analyzes and cries over gay boys in love with their best friends!'

'Wanna make out!'

'Okay!'

Harry looked at all of these people, most of whose names his small mind couldn't remember and smiled because his dress made him feel pretty. Luna walked up to him. 'Hello Harry. I like a man with a chicken on his head.'

Harry, at the thought of actual contact with a girl fainted, and Luna took his shoes and ran off.

All was well in the world until-

A piano fell on Harry!

Some where in a very boring Geography class, 3 Canadian girls got up and cheered, much to the annoyance of their student teacher, who just wanted _quiet. _"Thank the lord!" cried Melissa, who was immediately mobbed by a group of vicious potter fan-girls, and carried away to their lair.

'Dogonit!' cried Dumbledore, 'I knew I shouldn't have left all those pianos up there. But my closet was full of Elton John costumes!'

Oh God, I spent a whole day on that idiot, thought the Pony.  
That was such a nice dress! thought Hagrid.  
Harry's shoes smell nice, thought Luna.  
The like socks, thought Dumbledore.  
The Dramione fans are coming to kill me, thought Sarah.  
The Dramione fans are coming to kill Sarah, thought Natalie

I like ponies, thought Melissa.

GO BACK TO GEOGRAPHY YOU LAZY IDIOT! screamed Sarah's imaginary party.

'Help!' said Ron from the bush.

**THE END**

**A/N Come on you know you want to review. If only to say what the hell!**


	2. The importance of shiny pennies

'Ooooh look a penny! 'cried Ron. He got out of the bush and picked it up. Hermione walked by hand in hand with Draco.

'Look Hermione! I'm out of the bush!' Ron paused to think for a minute.

...

'And I have a penny!'

Hermione looked at Ron for a long moment.

Then she pushed him back in the bush.


	3. Daydreams of the Deranged

'Sarah.'

'Sarah!'

'SARAHHH'

'Oi! Louie!'

'DO NOT CALL ME THAT!'

'Stop day dreaming about cheese and pay attention to us!' yelled the Pony.

'I was not!' argued the befuddled girl.

'Stop day dreaming about Jack and Cheese then!'

Sarah looked at the pony.

...

...

...

'Fine! What do you want!'

Suddenly a whole crowd of fictional characters appeared including Jack Sparrow, who was nibbling on a piece of cheddar.

'What the hell kind of chapter was that?' demanded the Pony.

'I've read gum wrappers longer than that!' declared Hermione.

'It hardly counts!' added Lupin.

'SOCKS!' concurred Dumbledore.

'Exactly!' agreed Lupin.

'I wasn't even IN that one!' said Harry sulkily.

'Your dead.'

'Yeah well...your MOM!'

Sarah dropped another piano on him.

'What do you want to me to do then?' she asked annoyedly. She pictured a dancing banana to amuse herself.

'WRITE ANOTHER ONE!' they all shouted, except for Luna, who was teaching Gildroy Lockhart how to do a handstand on your nose.

'Yeah well... I have a head ache.'

'Fizzing Wizbee.' said Sirius.

'I promised I'd call a friend.'

'Blast Ended Screwt!' said Percy Weasly.

'I have to clean the kitchen?'

'Owl dung!' cried Albus Severus.

Sarah considered telling him to shut it, but then decided against it because a name like Albus Severus was abuse enough on its own.

'I have to, I have... homework?'

...

...

...

...

...

'FINE I'LL WRITE ANOTHER ONE THEN! NOW BUZZ OFF WILL YOU!'

The characters all cheered and retreated off into wherever they lived in Sarah's head, probably a much roomier place then the homework, chores, intelligence and general human ethics got stowed.

Sarah smiled and continued watching jack eat the cheese while the banana had a dance party in the back ground with Snape who was wearing a feather boa.


	4. Death and muffin baskets

**A/N: So for this lovely awe inspiring chapter I thought I would focus a little more on the subjects of JK's recent mass killing spree. So sorry folks, no Harry and Ron bashing in this one.**

**Harry: Yay! I'm not being bashed. Wait a second ... I'M NOT IN THE CHAPTER??**

**Me: shakes head I know it's hard to think with that pound of hair on your head, but come on now.**

**Harry: I have no hair now. THANKS TO YOU! (tear)**

**Me: NO MAN TEARS! And thanks to me, you are supposed to be two pianos under by now.**

**Fred/George/Oneofthemanyway: Don't blame Sarah Harry – she doesn't want to ruin the chapter for the readers by having you in it.**

**Melissa: I concur. You suck. (proceeds to dance with pony)**

**Natalie: And your ugly.**

**Harry: I am not ugly! I am beatifically challenged!**

**Luna: I like Harry's hair...and his shoes...and his nargles...**

**Harry: (in wonderment) I have nargles?**

**Natalie: Sar this has to end. Back to the story.**

**Me: You just want me to write about Sirius. Cause you have a crush on him. **

**Natalie: I DO NOT! He's just...and...WRITE THE STORY**

**Everybody: suurrrrrre...**

**WE NOW RETURN TO OUR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMING.**

Everybody was standing around in a big cloud of fog. Then:

'Is this it then? Because it stops being eerie after the first half hour.'

A general murmur agreement was heard through the crowd punctuated by Fred's 'they better have explosives here!'

'What? The series are over and we're still dead? How will the world enjoy my jamsieness??' cried Jamsie.

'Why did I marry you?' muttered Lily.

'I know you are but what am I?'

'Chocolate, chocolate, need chocolate...' muttered lupin.

'Oh for Merlins sake can you shut up about the chocolate!' yelled Tonks, tired of being the second love in Remus's life.

'I HAVE A PROBLEM!'

'Am I still a creepy here?' asked wormtail hopefully.

Fred hit him over the head with a toblerone bar.

'CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEE!!' screamed Lupin and ran after it.

Sirius was sitting in a corner explaining to Snape the wonder that was _head and shoulders_.

Colin Creevy was humming the twilight theme song to Dobby who was knitting socks.

'SILENCE!' shouted Dumbledore.

'You're not allowed to yell!' said James in annoyance. 'You're Dumbledore. You have to be calm while outletting the feeling of calm, kookiness, odd clothing choices, random candy and half moon glasses/twinkly eyes.'

'Oh right.' said Dumbledore. 'How's this then – we must accept where we are in our new life so we can move forward in spirituality? Death is not the end but the beginning of a journey.'

'You stole that from a fortune cookie!' accused Cedric Diggory, who had joined had joined shampoo party and was braiding Sirius's hair.

'Did I? Hm. Ah well' he clicked his heels and wandered off singing Celine Dionne , leaving the rest to themselves and the horror of Sarah's imagination.

'Hey I'm dead too!' said Mad eye poutily from the corner.

'Yes but most people were more upset about Hedwig's death than yours. You're not that interesting.' Voldemort pointed to Hedwig who was sitting in a throne covered with gold necklaces and surrounded by awed fans.

'OH MY GOD! ITS VOLDEMORT!'

Screams echoed around the room /void/train station/deathnessplace.

'Ok, hold up. I know I've done some things that might have made you a teensy bit mad...'

'YOU BLOODY MURDERED US YOU MANIAC!'

'Jeez, you people take everything soooo personally.'

'Your eyes are wierd.' added Colin.

'Which is why I have these.' Voldemort pulled out a pair of mirrored sun glasses.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THE RETRO 70's HORROR!!'

Everyone covered their eyes from the hideousness.

'Fine, fine whatever. The point is, I've learned my lesson, and I'm very very sorry.'

Everybody just looked at him.

'I brought a muffin basket...'

'YAY!'

There was much smiling and laughing and devouring of baked goods.

'Group hug!' cried Voldemort.

'Don't push it man,' advised Sirius.

'Ooh is this a blueberry one?' asked an ear.

'Uh.' said Sirius.

'What the hell?' asked the one of the people Voldemort killed but nobody really cares about.

'I'm George's ear. You know the one that got blasted off. And what the fuck was up with that anyway? I mean, couldn't she have killed the earless one? How's he supposed to get girls now huh? He can't. He's better off dead. Fred was-'

Natalie appeared. 'Sar?'

Sarah appeared as well, wearing an m and m costume. 'What?'

' LET IT GO DAMNIT!' yelled Natalie, choosing to ignore that her friend was dressed as a giant candy.

'NEVER!' yelled Sarah.

'It is a ear. A _ear _Sarah. Nooobody cares.'

'I care!' said George. Natalie ignored him.

'And you know what? It's just a fictional character. It's not like he's REAL.'

'GASSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP'

'You shouldn't have said that Natalie.' said Sarah in a very dangerous voice. That was somewhat ruined by the candy outfit.

Slowly the imaginary party advanced on Natalie.

'No, no I didn't mean it. I love you all! I write fanfictions about you instead of having a life! Please don't do this!'

'I'm sorry Natalie.' said Sarah quietly. 'You were a good obessed minion...I mean friend of mine.'

Sarah nodded to Sirius, who took out a giant tub of chocolate.

'NO! No please!'

The giant tub of chocolate was dumped on Natalie.

'Chocolate?'

'Chocoalte??'

'CHOCOLATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'

Sarah and company left Natalie to her fate and Lupin to his chocolate driven insanity.

'So what now?' asked Quirrell.

'Who are you?' wondered Sarah.

'I'm the turban guy from the first book!' said Quirell, peeved. 'Why does no one remember me!!'

Ignoring him, Sarah considered the question.

'Welll, I hadn't exactly planned anything for this chapter...'

Everybody was instantly dressed in orange wigs and red dresses. 'MUSICAL SINGALONG!' cried Sarah, and sat back to watch the fun.

And they all sang and danced to Tommorow off tune for the rest of their days. Or at least until Sarah had to go to piano lessons.


	5. heart to heart

Ear: Why is no one reading our story?

Hedwig: hoot

Ear: I know, all those crazy harry potter fans. They have to stop writing so many stories!

Hedwig: hoot

Ear: No, I dont get it either. What do they see in him? That hair...

Hedwig: hoot hoot

Ear: mhm, I hear you. Living with him all those years? Brutal.

Hedwig: HOOT!

Ear: You think people will be annoyed with this stupid little run on leading to nowhere?

Hedwig: (bites ear)

Ear: Your so funny!

Hedwig: hoot

Ear: Yes, I was thinking a piercing would be nice. I always thought diamond you know...

**SARAH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!**

_Uh well... I wanted to update so the story would be easier to find._

**WELL AT LEAST MAKE IT INTERESTING!**

Ear: hey!

_Who are you anyway?_

**How the hell should I know? I'm in your head. Which is quite messed up by the way.**

_Thank you._

_gets hit_

_IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO BE HIT BY YOUR IMAGINATION?!_

**Apparently.**

Hedwig: hooty-mic-hooter-sons.

..._ your not hanging out with the ear anymore..._


	6. message from beyond the grave

**Hola, this is Natalie If you're bored, go check out my stories on My penname is thedarkpoet. hugs**

_Hm... well that was boring advertizing..._

_**HARRY POTTER FANFICTION FOLLOWERS. THIS IS NATALIE SPEAKING TO YOU FROM BEHIND THE GRAVE. I DEMAND A PAYMENT OF TWENTY SEVEN CHOCOLATE CHIPCOOKIES, ONE PAIR OF RUBBER GLOVES AND A PINK FEATHER SO I WILL BE APPEASED AND NOT TICKLE SIRIUS/YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER TO DEATH.**_

_**...**_

_**AND I WILL DANCE!**_

_**...**_

_**AND MAKE YOU WATCH!!**_

_Hee hee. Oh god better run now..._


	7. tee hee

1FALCON PUNCH!

...

That is all.


	8. I am Snape the Potions Master

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to bubbletea4me my biggest and only fan. Note to her sister, who is briefly mentioned: No offense meant, only making fun of the man's stories. Now back to this one:**

'Sarah!'

'Sarahhhhhhhh'

'SaaaaaAaAaAaA-'

'What?'

'...We're bored?'

'Who's this?'

'Why must you hurt me in this way Harry?'

'Oh god...'

The entire Harry Potter cast appeared sitting on folding chairs.

'What is this a doctors office? Talk about uncomfortable-' started Voldemort.

'Shut it! Or I will make your hand out muffins again.'

Voldemort shut up.

'It's been 17 months! Write more about us! We're borrrrrrrrrreddd,' moaned Harry. He swatted at Ron's hand which had been playing with his hair.

'No it hasn't! It's been like two!'

'Oh. Well I only know 17 and 42.'

'Are we there yet?' asked Dumbledore.

'Uh-what?'

'JUSTIN LONG!'

Sarah turned away and tried to remember if she had taken her medication that morning.

Suddenly a blond man in a dress appeared. 'TONY FOREVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!' he screamed, running around the room holding what seemed to be a camera soaked in rum.

He was quickly followed by an American EagleTM groupie who jumped on him and started hitting him with a designer shoe. 'CLACK CLACK CLACK CLACK NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!' she screamed, then realized the shoe she was holding was worth more than her first born child and proceeded to hit the man with a sock, borrowed from Dumbledore.

'SECURITY!' screamed Sarah and Fred and George appeared, looking dashing, as always.

'How come we're security?' asked George, trying in vain to remove the camera from the man's fingers.

'Because your hot,' said Sarah, giving him the much practiced 'duh' look. 'Now be gone!'

Fred and George vanished.

'I thought you said you were going to write more story,' whined Hermione. Although, really, all she ever did was whine so there wasn't much point in talking about it-

'STOP RAMBLING!'

'Stop – being ... YOU SMELL!' screamed Sarah.

There was silence.

'I'm tired okay??' now will you please leave me ALONE!'

Cedric Diggory appeared. He pointed to Ron. 'Fan! Hairspray! Crest White Strips! Go go go!'

A soft breeze began to flow through his annoying soft and wavy hair. He turned to look at Sarah and widened his eyes slightly. 'Please Sarah?' He flipped his hair around. 'Please?'

'Must...Ignore...The beauty...' cried Sarah, trying to shield her eyes.

'There is no escape,' said Cedric, flashing a smile at her.

'No! The whiteness! It burnsssss'

'Write more!'

'No!'

'Yes!'

'NEVAAAA!'

'Do it!'

'BEEFMAN!'

'I'll give you chocolate.'

Sarah considered for a moment. 'Okay.'

SCENE ONE TAKE ONE

Snape sat alone in a corridor staring at his feet. He had quite nice feet. And he had just had a manicure, so they were a lovely sea green colour. With sparkles. Oh, he did love him some sparkles. Which reminded him, did he tape the last Gossip Girl episode? Chase Crawford was his secret crush, because he had abandoned Sirius after he stopped cutting his hair. He could really go for a chia latte...

'Severus? Whatever is the matter?'

Snape looked up to see Dumbledore wearing a blue flowered dress. He decided not to comment.

'Can't a woman – I mean, uh' he coughed, 'man-'

Dumbledore raised an eyebrow. Then he raised another one. Then he wiggled them a little for fun. Snape didn't notice.

'-mope in peace?'

Dumbledore considered. 'Nope!' he declared, while twirling around so his dress made a swishing noise.

'Why do you want to mope anyway?' asked Dumbledore. 'The world is young and full of coconuts and dandelions and William Mosley and you are greasy and hooked nose with a tendency to wear yellow raincoats.'

Snape paused. 'Does anybody ever understand what you say?'

'Do I ever understand what I say?'

Snape took that as a no.

'I am moping because I,' he paused dramatically.

'Am bitter and depressed.'

'No I am bitter and depressed!' cried Sarah, leaping out from behind a pillar.

'What??' cried Snape in astonishment.

'Imposter!' cried Sarah, pointing at Snape.

Dumbledore looked at Sarah. Then he looked at Snape. Then he looked at Sarah. Then he looked at a butterfly. Then he looked at Snape.

'But- it can't be- there are ... two Snapes??'

Sarah and Snape stood side by side and, it had to be said, looked exactly the same.

'But I am the real Snape!" cried Snape.

'Oh really?' asked Dumbledore, pointing his fingers in that annoying way he had. 'Prove it!'

Sarah stepped forward and let her hair hang over her eyes. 'I am Snape the potions mastaa.'

Snape glared at her, then stepped forward as well. 'I can teach you how to stoppaaa death.'

Sarah countered. 'Mr.Pottaaa'

'Turn to page one hundred and fifty TWO'

'IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII will see you in dEEEtention,'

'I hate my liiiiiiife,'

'I hate your liiiiiiife,'

'Shampooooo? WhAAt is this?'

'Gay? ...Maybeeeeeee...'

Snape was losing and he knew it. He had no other alternative. He thrust out his foot and revieled...his pedicure!

'Well that's that,' said Dumbledore decisively.

'Harry invaded my personal bubble!' yelled Ron, popping up. He was quickly taken away by gaurds from potter puppet pals Inc.

Sarah sniffled. 'But...but I want to be Snape.'

Dumbledore walked over and gave her a hug. 'Of course you do dear. He is really very sexy.'

'You don't get to complain!' yelled Natalie.

'Yeah! We weren't even IN this chapter!' complained Melissa. Sarah dropped Harneel on them.

'What would make you feel better?' asked Dumbledore.

'Nuthin! Wanna be Snape!'

'How bout a wowipop?'

'Nuh uh.'

'Skipping rope?'

'NOOOOOOOO!' screeched Sarah. Then she had an idea.

'Dance party! In London!'

And they all proceed to dance to Jump on it. Because they're just cool that way.


	9. Fan fiction in standard form

FanFiction in Standard form:

Science Presentations boredom creative inspiration

See Mr.Teacherface? We DO in fact learn things. So stop failing me. Thanks a bunch!

**A/N: Thanks to our fabulous one reviewer who was not, in fact, a friend (insert gasp here) we start the infamous ...**

CHAPTER EIGHT

Eight...eight...eight..eight...

Me: Sybil shut up.

Sybil: I SEE DEATH IN YOUR FUTURE!!

Gets hit on the head by Mcgonagal

Me: Why thank you.

McG: You're welcome. These chapters are becoming very violent!

Me: Because of the violence in my life! (sob)

Melissa: We don't hit you that much! Too much...maybe a little... okay a lot.

Sybil: (serious voice) That's not healthy.

Natalie: Neither is predicting death.

Harry: (dancing around science classroom) MY BALOON!

Melissa: No MY balloon!

Mr.Teacherface: You should rub the balloon on your hair to ensure static-

Harry: I have no hair... thanks to you! AVADA KADAVRA!

Natalie: You idiot, you just killed the author!

Harry: Oops. I thought she was an extra.

Melissa: Now what?

Lupin: Chocolate...

Cap'n Jack: 'Ello!

Natalie: Jack! (droooooool)

Melissa : Whatever happened to the pony anyway.. wait. Is Sar dead?

Natalie: Yup.

Melissa: Pa a arrrty!

Harry: Quick! More balloons!

Cap'n Jack: And rum! Don't forget the rum... speaking of which, where am I?

Me: IT IS I BACK FROM THE DEAD

Melissa: Dammit.

Natalie: You can't be alive! I killed you. It's only fair since you killed me. Go back to being dead!

Jack: What kind of party is this then? No open bar?

Natalie: This isn't fair. (broods)

Harry: I have taught you well.

Lupin: Chocolate?

Me: Go back to rehab!

Natalie: Still not fair!

Me: Oh fine. How bout we both die?

Natalie: No way, you or nuthin.

Me: Fine, it's more of a party over there anyway. Come on Lupin. Here boy. Follow the hersheys...

Natalie: Now I have control...

NATALIES CHAPTER

(coming soon to theatres near you)


	10. Lies and deception

I have to do homework. So I can't write you a chapter. It is a constant job of making Sarah look stupid. Love Natalie :D Tralalalala

Me: Oh no. You begged for this chapter for too long. And I'm sure you're off to do homework. I saw that note from Sirius in your locker. Shame! Well, all of you ... two ... reviewers. You must punish her misdeeds. She will now be called .. Jam jams! Mwhahahahahahah-

Hermione: How does that make any sense?

Me: Do you like having hair Hermione?

Hermione: Excellent nick name Sarah! Brilliant really! Hehe...he... (starts to edge away)

Me: And?

Hermione: Oh and review! Review for the love of all things nerdy, Draco won't like me if I don't have any hair!

Draco: It's true.

Ron: I would...

Everyone else: SHUT UP!

IF YOU WANT HERMIONE'S HAIR TO SURVIVE YOU MUST REVIEW! AND CALL NAT JAM JAMS! AND- and, uh. Well that's it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


End file.
